Warning: spoilers for the movie obviously. And if you read this without having seen it and you think it’s bad, YEAH IT IS BUT WATCH IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS AMAZING.
DOCTOR WHO: THE TV MOVIE (OR THE ENEMY WITHIN. OR PAUL MCGANN IS BEAUTIFUL OHMYGOD LOOK AT HIS ADORABLE FACE AND HIS VOICE IS MADE OF PURE SEX JESUS CHRIST WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS MOVIE)
Doctor: Hello I’m Paul McGann and my voice is made of pure sex. Skaro: HELLO Doctor: Wh— what the fuck. What the fuck is Skaro doing here. I blew it up during Remembrance of the Daleks. WHAT THE HELL BRO Skaro: The Master is on trial here lol Doctor: wat Skaro: YEP also Dalek voices are weirdly high for some reason. Aaaanyway the Master is sentenced to death and shit and he wants you to take his ashes to Gallifrey. For some reason. Doctor: Nononono back up. So the Master was on trial on the planet Skaro, which technically has been blown up, and not just on Gallifrey, which is… you know… his home planet. Plus, why would the Daleks want to put him on trial? Wouldn’t that be a job for the Time Lords? And how am I going to get his ashes from Skaro anyway, the Daleks hate my guts. IS THIS A TRAP. IS THAT WHAT THIS IS. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON Skaro: Listen bro— Doctor: AND WHY IS THAT PLANET TALKING TO ME Skaro: dude Doctor: AND WHAT ARE THOSE SNAKE EYES FLOATING IN SPACE Master: Those are my eyes I MEAN I’M DEAD Doctor: SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE SNAKE EYES Master: … Doctor: WE’RE NOT EVEN A MINUTE INTO THE MOVIE AND IT ALREADY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE Opening credits: Yeah but look at these awesome opening credits